A reflection on life and mental health: millimetres from giving up.
After high school, I came to University expecting my life to change – it did – but I also have expectations of myself to achieve greatness. (Doesn’t everyone?) I have expectations to continue excelling and being the person I’ve always hoped to one day be. First year flew by, and now second year is here.
I hate that I feel this way but…I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much failure, embarrassment, vulnerability, and anger than ever before.
You keep trying to tell yourself everything will turn out okay, only feeling society pounding all over you with expectations and norms of who you should be.
Sure. There are times where you can peacefully put those things to rest and smile about all the things to be grateful for in life – true friends, family, education, the list goes on.
Day, by, day, you hold that chin up, keep a smile on your face, and laugh to fool yourself to thinking you’re alright.
But, somewhere, deep down inside, something happens that triggers something, then another, and all the dominos finally fall.
You just know.
That you’re not.
In the handbook of life, nobody warns you about the insecurities and weaknesses you’ll feel, even when you know you’re lucky to be where you are. Nobody tells you how hard it is to not get caught up in the petty things. Nobody tells you because its something you have to experience yourself. I’m saying this because, I know, I may not have it as hard as some people out there, but everybody’s life is different, everybody struggles with different things.
When the going gets tough, keep going. It’s hard, brutal, rough and you may get bruises, fractures, and even broken bones along the way. Does that mean you have to give up and stop working for what you want? I hope the answer is no. I hope that’s not life’s way of saying, careful, you’re headed in the wrong direction. I like to believe that there is greatness ahead of everyone. Even if you’re trapped by the darkness, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t let one failure, two, three, five, or more, get in the way of you doing what you want to do.
Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from trying.
Everything that happens to you now in no way determines you or your future self or life. Sure, you can through days comparing yourself to your friends and those around you – but why not compare yourself to who you were yesterday? When you get shut down, degraded, or made to feel dumb – it’s about picking up those crutches, putting the dominos back up one by one, or exerting that last bit of power you have within yourself, and making the most out of it.
You may be crying yourself to sleep – or waking up hoping you never have to go through another day of hell, but it’s what you do next that really matters.
Are you going to get up, fight, and patch up all those broken pieces of you…
Or are you going to let those wounds break you…
Until you finally feel like have nothing left to live for?
It’s not worth it. You always have something to live for.
You roll the dice.